The Professor I used to run away from

By Favita Dias

WHEN I joined Goa University in 2010, I was anxious. Of course, why not, right? It was a new place and a new environment all together. Besides, I was now all grown, a big girl, or at least I thought so. Joining the University was a matter of pride for me, not only because I was the only one to get there among my friend circle, but also because I was a first-generation learner from my family.

Like most students who, on joining a new institution or a class, are curious about the institution or the class and the class teacher, I too started inquiring about the teachers, and tried to find out about the type of students in the class, who I could be friends with, etc.

As the courses started, we met the professors. They all seemed to be so high profile. We asked our seniors about the teachers, the courses, if it is easy to pass, etc.

There was this one professor who, according to our seniors, was a torture for the students because of his teaching and evaluation method. He taught Classical Sociology, a compulsory course, and Social Research Methods, an optional course. He would give only presentations in class, make the students read long essays and, on top of that, evaluate the students every day. I mean just imagine, you read, make your own presentation, and cannot even bunk the class because you would lose out on class evaluation marks. Any student would be scared of such a teacher. At least for me, and surely for most students in my class, it would be a tough time because not many of us were used to reading and making our own notes and here we had to do presentations everyday or else lose marks. I would be so happy when it was not my turn to present. He was always with this serious face, with no smile on his face.

I still remember his first class. Normally, on the first day, teachers do not really teach. There is this ritual of introducing one another. I assumed it would be the same at Goa University. Mostly it was, but not with this professor. He came into class with some pictures and arranged them on the floor. He then asked us to take one picture and talk about why we chose that picture. I remember I chose a picture of an old man with his grand-daughter. After we all spoke, he told us to reflect upon the pictures that we chose and then started talking about ‘self-reflection’ through the pictures we chose.

We were only four of us in his class. I remember one of our friends would make fun and mimic the professor. He had few teeth and one tooth would be out and she would mimic that look of his. We would be thrilled if he didn’t come to University, which would seldom happen. Our seniors had told us that he had had a major heart surgery because of which he had got an extension, or else he would have retired. I was hoping that by the time I reached the final year he would retire.

YET, I opted for the Social Research Methods course, even though I had an option to take some other course. One reason was that our seniors had told us that this course was beneficial, if we wanted to do a dissertation. Another reason was that my best friend was taking the course.

In his Social Research Methods class, I appreciated his way of teaching. Suddenly the classes were becoming interesting. I was getting emotionally involved. I saw my confidence grow. I could speak up boldly in the other compulsory courses as well. So finally I decided I would do my dissertation under his guidance during my final year.

In the second year, I was more comfortable and would encourage my juniors to take his courses. But, like me, even they were not used to reading and making their own notes and presentations. It could be because we were not exposed to any other culture of learning apart from rote learning, the notes being dictated during lectures. So, not many would take optional courses taught by him.

In his class, however, I noticed that even the quietest and most shy students would speak up. The reason was that no matter what we said, no matter how dumb we sounded in class, he always valued our opinions and views. This he called ‘Voice’. Even if our answers were not related to the topic, he would make sure that we did not feel like losers. He would somehow try and relate our views to the context. He would always say there is no wrong answer, it is always right from at least one perspective. Sometimes, if it was not possible to do so during the current lecture, then the point made would find a connect in the next lecture. I think this was the best thing I ever experienced in a classroom.

He would tell us: “Never let the child in you die.”

I remember: how I grew with him! During my dissertation I would cry when I shared my experiences with him. In the process of writing my dissertation, I overcame a lot of my fears and pain. I was more confident than I was when I had joined the University. Today, when I reflect back, I understand that my dissertation could have been better if I had understood the importance of letting myself be ‘vulnerable’. That is something I learnt later.

EVEN after finishing my Masters, I continued to be in touch with him. But the relationship changed when I shared my caste experiences with him, something that I had never shared with anyone earlier. I shared my experiences with him because I remembered the intense discussions we used to have in class about caste and discrimination. But I was also sure that he would not judge me. I was not afraid of being judged or looked down upon because of my caste. Once I could pierce my fears, my life looked up and there was no looking back.

I was introduced to the Social Justice Action Committee, where like-minded people took up the cause of discriminated communities. This made me feel that I am not alone. I started fighting for reservations along with them. The Professor never forced me to do anything, nor did he give any advice. He always gave me his ear and then asked me questions, like “Why do you want to do it?”, and tell me the possible consequences of my actions. It was not always easy to get an answer for his question, but still he would insist: “Choose what makes you feel good about. Live with the questions that you don’t find the answers to. Eventually, you will find the answers. And even if you don’t find the answers, it will be fine because the questions might disappear.”

The most important thing he taught me was to reflect on the origin of the pain, the fears and the insecurity. And he would always say it comes from our childhood. He would always say ‘Nurture the child in you’; that our education system expects us to leave that child outside the classroom. He always tried to help us get this child into the classroom. That is what made learning fun.

As an example, I remember a friend of ours was very fidgety in class, so Sir gave her the freedom to walk in the class whenever she felt like. And then she was able to concentrate. No teacher would bother to notice that we were bored in a class; in fact they would feel offended if we yawned in the class. But, Sir would make us yawn and stretch our bodies when we were bored. He would say yawning gives oxygen to our body and will help in concentrating.

ONE of the important lessons I learnt was the importance of vulnerability, and that it can be our strength. Throughout my journey with him, I have felt vulnerable, but never felt judged. Today my vulnerabilities give me strength.

Here I am now, teaching as an Assistant Professor in the same Goa University and in the same department as Sir. I was hoping that I would get the room where he used to sit; the room where I have so many fond memories of him. That wouldn’t give me a bit of his intelligence or patience; but I have great memories in that room. I always want to be like him, and teach like him. I tried to use his method in my class and failed miserably. I learnt that it is a demanding task. Not only because you have to read and study in detail, but also because the system doesn’t encourage it. Students too felt that I was doing ‘time pass’ by making them reflect on their day-to-day habits and ways of living. They felt they were not learning anything new.

But Sir Alito had that special thing. He would not teach us something out of the world. He would teach us about our festivals, ways of talking and dressing, about how we are at home. He would make us reflect upon it and bring different perspectives into the classroom as compared to what the theorists that we were learning in class had to say. Once, he gave us an exercise of going to a place where we would never go, and eat something there, and then share our experience in the class. So, taste is not only in the mouth or tongue, it is there in the surroundings. I mean a simple example of our daily habit was used to teach us about ‘Habitus’. That was how he taught us.

When I was facing difficulties in my first year of teaching at the University and wanted to quit, Sir said that he would still be proud of me and of the work that I was doing, no matter how short my teaching career turned out to be. I was scared of being judged by people for not valuing a job that many people aspire for, but he never did that. That was Alito Siqueira and I am proud to be an “Alitorian”.

-------------

Favita Dias is working as an Assistant Professor in the Department of Sociology, Goa University. She is part of the first group of Scheduled Tribe women from the Gawda tribe to be appointed as Assistant Professor at the Goa University. Her areas of interest are caste, gender and sexuality. She writes about the systemic injustice and humiliation that she faces within higher education.

Also subscribe to the blog Hanv Konn (re-searching the self)

About the blog Hanv Konn by Alito Siqueira:

"Learning and Recovery are Messy and Emotional" 

Alito with his friends & colleagues created this blog. He encouraged students to create knowledge through project work based on their own location, using multiple formats — text, digital stories and new media — and with their own non-standard English.  Such learning he felt is active, and tends to motivate students to search and read academic articles as avid users, in contrast to passive receivers who memorise texts and class room lectures. As a mentor he worked with many of the essays in this blog. Looking back, he sees this small innovative learning practice as the activity through which he learnt best from students—their lived experience and communities, as well as teaching methods.

Edited excerpts from the Foreword by Favita Dias:

“Each story of Hanv Konn is more inspiring than the other. These life stories of the writers themselves highlight some kind of injury, whether due to caste discrimination, gender discrimination, class, language, family, etc. They touch our deep-rooted and hidden feelings of pain, because they come from those who have experienced the pain and have struggled with it.

“The stories offer a path to validate the pain and heal it. They can help mobilize people with similar experiences to fight against the pain due to discrimination of any form. Most things that we see, hear or experience are considered to be part and parcel of life. But these same day-to-day events, if given a deep thought, can change the way we see them.

“The texts can also be used in classrooms as reading material. First, students can become aware of the kinds of discriminations in our society, and the injuries that they cause. Secondly, it will help students from the marginalized sections (and others) who have some hidden injuries. By the simple means of sharing their own experiences they can find validation and possibly a healing of their injuries. The stories can bring about a change in the way students themselves see the day-to-day events in their lives and think more sensitively about vulnerabilities — their own and of others.”

***

Alito was one of the most sincere & honest teachers that Goa, India and the world has seen. The test of his honesty & sincerity can be seen from his friends, colleagues and especially his students.

I thank Vasudha Sawaikar and Favita Dias for these pieces and for drawing my attention to the blog Hanv Konn. I am always sorry that I never had the chance to meet Alito. But then I did not have a chance to meet John Holt (How Children Learn, 1967) or A.S. Neill (Summerhill, 1921) or the hundreds of educators like Alito, who placed the child and the adult learner FIRST.

Take care. Enjoy yourselves. Peace and love. Have fun, as U learn.

Your support is my strength.
- Joe.

Pune, India; Sunday, 13 October 2019.